bpd.txt

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER PRIMER
	Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental illness that
is best thought of as a series of maladaptive coping mechanisms as a
result of trauma, much like other disorders like PTSD, DID, etc. It's
characterized primarily by an intense fear of abandonment, with the
other symptoms of a disorder functioning to either cope with feeling
abandoned or to attempt to maladaptively prevent abandonment.
	BPD has 9 diagnostic criteria:
	1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or perceived abandonment.
	2. A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with
	   family, friends, and loved ones.
	3. A distorted sense of self and an unstable self-image.
	4. Impulsive and dangerous behavior, such as spending sprees,
	   unsafe sex, substance abuse, and eating disorders.
	5. Self-harming and suicidal behavior or threats.
	6. Intense mood swings.
	7. Chronic feelings of emptiness, leading to behaviors to fill
	   that void.
	8. Inappropriate, intense anger, or difficulty controlling
	   anger.
	9. Stress induced transient episodes of dissociation,
	   paranoia, and/or hallucinations.
	Not every person with BPD exhibits all 9 criteria, but I do to
some extent.
	BPD may lead to behavior that you don't understand, as it
impacts my ability to properly parse reality. I tend to think mostly
in black and white, seeing other people and myself as either only good
 or only bad, but rarely both at once. This leads to a pattern of
"idealization and devaluation", where I oscillate between sudden
obsession and sudden disinterest. BPD also makes me very sensitive to
rejection, so much so that I may interpret things wrong and think I'm
being rejected or abandoned even if I'm not. Because BPD also makes my
emotions extremely intense, I engage in a lot of impulsive behavior as
a result of feelings that I have in the moment, which can be confusing
or scary to other people.
	In general, this is something I have to work on myself, and it
isn't your responsibility to coddle me. I only write this in hopes of
helping you understand why I behave the way I do in case something
happens in the future. I'm on mood-stabilizing medication and I'm in
therapy to get help with all this stuff, so hopefully it shouldn't
affect us too much, I just figured you've ought to be aware.

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